The Namesake

Most people must have already been 'blessed' with this guy's presence. If you are one of the (un)lucky ones,wait for your turn. Cos hes the only guy in the college who teaches 'Management Science'.
Very easy to spot: Those eerie shaded glasses of his.. you never can tell if hes looking directly at you,the person behind you, through the wall...
And dont even get me started on his clothes! Mr.Shorty pants, as Oblongata puts it.
Writes every damn thing on the board, straight out of Aryasri, with truckloads of spelling mistakes (I'm saving them for a later blog :D) One in a gazillion,I tell ya! True to his name, hehe...

First draw the pencil, then the pen: Uh,ok.,but when do I draw the actual diagram?
There should not be starting event and ending event should be same: I bet even rocket scientists cant figure out what this means..Kudos man!
This can be happened or this can be happened: Whats gonna happen to us?!Help!
Dummy activities does not consume any timing: But dummies like you waste ours!
All of you understand? - We could also outstand,side stand,bus stand,....
Session has expired; if you want to refresh, go for the refreshment: Anyone wanna do the Dew??
TV will last for 10 years.HE will long last: I knew I shudd've listened to my mom when she told me too much of TV wasn't good for me ;)
Once upon a time, it was done very manually: Now its done very un-manually
You are going to again some losses: Bottom line: I am losing my mind!!
Groceries for household items: So the household items use the groceries,accha...

A couple of more which left me speechless quite literally :D
Everyone wants to get up in the late
Identifying the tasks compromising a job
He will afraid for the work, he may absent also =))
Everyone all of you know that
To propagate bad word of mouth

Orientation (Brain-washing???)

It was that time of the year again, when the management along with the HODs and a few select students attempt (and succed for the most part) in re-assuring the hapless and gullible newbies that they made the right decision and coax them into sticking to it. I had never attended one of these. Fortunately, I missed out on mine. But I had heard about the endless droning of the college mgmt about how the students were in "safe hands" (whatever thats supposed to mean :P). I knew exactly what to expect.
And so it starts... The director (does he deserve that designation?) goes first. I decide that this was a good time to take a stroll down the corridor. 20 minutes later, hes still at it. Talk about stamina!
He includes his usual line about how not to "give bikes to your children and spoil them". I don't get what his problem is !?! Arey... Its their kids and their moolah, they can do whatever they want to, with both of them! Its painful enough to come to the college, at least let them commute in comfort..! I think this has something to do with his own adolescence. Maybe his folks refused to get him one.. and he's taking it out on us? We shall never know...

Up next, Princi. His was the only speech I listened to (not cos I wanted to,.. I just did, ok??). The best way to spot this guy is to look for an old wart with a bad dye job. Thinks sneakers go with every conceivable outfit. Supposed to be equivalent to 'our father' (will post that story some other time)
So, he talks about how "none of the students these days read the text books. They buy the cheap 'JNTU made-easy' books 15 days before the exam and prepare from them." Yeah, so?
Seriously, does any self-respecting engineering student rely entirely(or even partially) on the prescribed books? Honestly, if it weren't for the 'All-in-ones', you would not have been in a position to flaunt your '100% pass percentage' for the previous batch, would you??
And there were the "I will not tolerate"s
- late-comers, long absences ("I will not allow them to enter the college without the parents, or a letter signed by them with a genuine reason" - Gawd! School was so much better....), roaming around during the class hours etc..
At this point, I had had enough. It was time I went home if I wanted to salvage what was left of my sanity. Not that I would've missed out on a lot: It would've been followed by chairman, HODs and the students speeches.
Speaking of which, has anyone of you attended more than one orientation programs? I'm told the chairman interrupts one of the student's speeches, feigning spontaneity, when he must've actually been preparing for it all the while, with the question "What about the ragging problem?". I guess I'll never find out...
At the end of it.. all I have to say is, if the newest dolts were actually convinced with all this crap, then they probably deserve to be in this wretched place.

D'OH!

Thats what this post will be called cos these are some quotes from our very own Homer Simpson. He looks the part too. I am not aware if he enjoys his Duff, but he sure does love his sutta.Is one of the lousiest dressers but has the audacity to comment on the students' fashion sense.
These nuggets have been painstakingly (laughter-induced pain) collected over the last semester by the author:

I'm having a telephone on my home: You seem to have your brains on ur skull !
He is going to testify your skills: Oh yeah..?And who's on the stand? You pleading guilty to stupidity?
Once in a blue while: You see a multi-coloured moon..!
Basically, we are lack of basics: Look who's talking :P
Cant you able to have a think regarding this?: Huh ??
I'm saying serious: So, am I! You're a moron!