Power cuts

Since our college is situated outside the city's limits, it was subjected to the long power cuts recommended by our so-called 'farmer friendly' government. This was especially a problem right through the months of March and April cos that was when students of the 2nd and 3rd years were having their lab internals, and 4th year students had their seminars. And not to mention the scorching summer. You're not allowed to leave the labs though theres no power for hours together. The lab incharge can wander off to the canteen or staff room, but the rest of us have to be baked in that AC-less pigeon hole!

Anyone with half a brain can come up with the idea to buy a generator so that the power cuts doesn't cause any inconvenience to anyone. But then that's CVSR. No generators, few UPS. That gives the wicked and the cunning a field day. They decide that the lab marks will be based on the student's performance in Viva voce. Which indirectly means, they'll add marks to their favorites and screw the rest! Its just the chance that the vultures were looking for all through the semester.

Considering that the college just has one LCD projector, which they guard with their lives (and store in a locker?? Cos the previous one was stolen??), its not that hard to believe that we dont have a generator. (to be continued..)

Kosha Murka

An anagram of this spineless, pathetic loser's name. Was supposed to be Homer's chela. Which is why, as incompetent as he was, he still managed to stay on as a lecturer, until a semester ago.

It was like a free hour whenever he was in class. People would do everything from taking a nap, reading a novel/newspaper, solving word puzzles, listening to FM/mp3 players to just plain gossipping. I must confess to doing one or all of the above mentioned in every class of his. That's how it was with everyone.

There was this one time when my classmate brought a digicam to the class to take his picture and mock his pitiful excuse for a frame, later. Anyways she actually took a pic, with flash no less, when he was facing the class! (Quite gutsy, dont you think?) He was so shocked that he turned back to the board and continued scribbling! Couldn't utter a word. It probably occurred to him a minute or two later, that he ought to say something. So, he comes to her and says "What're you doing?". Doesn't get an answer, so repeats it. Still no answer. So he goes back to the dais and resumes the lecture!! =))
Of course, the little boy did go back and complain to 'Mommy' (read Homer). The girl, fortunately got off easily.

I've yelled 'Loser' whenever he passed by, many times. He's seen me throwing paper balls at someone during his class but couldn't muster enough courage to say anything :D

This other time, he saw some guys talking. Said "change your benches". Some people start laughing and someone said "What?? Change benches aa?". He hears it, corrects himself and says "Change your positions". Of course that made people laugh harder!

I have to apologise for this very limited collection of quotes, cos I never did listen to him in class. Nobody did. Anyways, here goes..

If you know the concept, the algorithm very easier
They become very fundamentals
Why are you always shouting? Why are you always murmuring? : I didnt know you could do both at once..
This is a status of your standard : Look who's talking about standards!
Again you are going to study in MMS, so pay interest: We never had a subject with that name. So what he meant, is beyond me.

Homer Obituary contd...

A conclusion to the Homer-chapter of CVSR..:

Draw roughly so as to avoid the time
Today is absent for you: Has a philosophical ring to it, doesn't it??
Within a permitted permisses....
In your exams, your selection of questions is very peculiar: So is your choice of words..
The number of networks we are able to have more number of networks
Explain a detailed information about...
In the yesterday only we saw the algorithm...: Who are we going to see today?
There may be fair chances of crash may occur in the system
There might be some error which has detected: The error detects stuff?
In order to rectify from this crash
In an affective manner
Which is basically relevanted

The George Bush-like word/phrase inventions:
mis-utilising
permisses: There is no such word..!
Fash your wace: He was trying to indicate someone was feeling sleepy. Himself??

We will sorely miss you(??)

D'OH-III : Obituary/Innovation

Don't worry.. our beloved homer isn't dead. He has just taken his pea-size intellect and his ornate vocabulary to a different college. So, this two part post is dedicated to his memory.. He's been replaced by a telugu poetry-writing, B.tech-pass scumbag who teaches you that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. The other side might have no grass or is actually not cultivable...!!! More on him later.

Now that the post is going over and above the reader's head, I better get back to the anecdote that I was gonna narrate...

This one time, Homer gave us a problem to solve. Not surprisingly, noone was able to solve it. He says that as future-engineers, we should not solve all problems in the traditional way but should come up with innovative ideas ourselves to try and solve them. To illustrate this, he comes up with the following example:

(In order to retain the humour, the writer had to stick to the original language. A translation is of course provided for those who find it difficult to understand)

Meeru eppudaina LG ad chusara? (Have you ever seen the LG ad?)


LG ad chudaleda?? TV lo eppudu vesthu vuntadu kada... (Never seen the ad?? They keep showing it on TV)

Adey, football aduthu vuntaru. Oka car velthundi... (They play football, a car passes by..)


Adeynayya, varsham paduthu vuntundi... Aa abbayi ki sarigga kanipinchadu (Its raining and the boy cant see clearly..)


Appudu emavuthundi?? ( What happens then?)

A car ni chusi, aa abbayi ki oka idea vasthundi.. (The boy gets an idea by looking at the car)

Car ki emi vuntundi?? (What does a car have??)

<"Wipers" say everybody in unison>

And then Homer says...

Diapers


Then he repeats it..
Cars have diapers.. so, daanini chusi, this boy gets an idea. And he puts diapers on his glasses to see clearly.

Imagine everybody's condition.. They had to shut up and keep a straight face when someone kept saying "Cars have diapers" Or they would have been thrown out of the class. Should have seen the confidence with which he said it. As if he knew exactly what he was saying, like always.
All that the example taught us was that not only does Homer not know what diapers are, he doesn't know what wipers are, either... If cars have diapers, then do babies wear wipers???
Alright, nobody's perfect. Everybody makes mistakes.. But c'mon! How many people cant tell the difference between a wiper and a diaper? And how many of them get to boss others around and keep pointing their mistakes out?? Think about it..

D'OH - II (a.k.a Blunderama!)

Homer often likes to show off his non-existent intellect and GK in the class to the naive students who actually believe he has something other than horse-s**t in his oversized head.

He gets his hands on a business magazine now and then, and decides to let loose his new found knowledge on us. No!! I'm not suggesting he actually pays for them! Phukkat mein, must have got them from somewhere. At best, they'd be 6 months to a year old.

So, one fine day, in the middle of the lecture, he asks us if we know what an Eight Sigma Certification is. Earlier, he'd told us abt a Six Sigma Certification. Some losers tried to answer, but in vain. He says its finding some fraction of an error in some million lines of code (I dont remember, dont ask me for the details). Some people note it down.

Next, he asks us what the Fortune1 company was. Nobody knows. He chides us for not knowing whats going on around us and proclaims that Citibank is the Fortune1 company. Some people take that down too.

He finishes it off with ABN-AMRO has the most number of ATMs in the world.

After I get home, I wanted to check the accuracy of the 'facts' put forth by him after being cursed for repeating all of it to my sibling :D . Googled all of it only to find the following:

1. There is NO such thing called an Eight Sigma Certification. Its just Six Sigma Certification that exists. You can read more about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Six_Sigma
2. And CitiBank, a Fortune1 company??? Like Hell it is!! Its called Citigroup actually, and is on the 8th position as of today with Exxon Mobil topping the list. Heres proof: http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/fortune500/full_list/

Boy! Would I like to know where he gets these mountains of crap from!

So, the next time the guy on the dais extols his knowledge of the world around him, make sure you verify the veracity of his claims before blindly believing them.

P.S. The 3rd 'fact' is still debatable. I didnt find any references to the same. If you do, post it as a comment, and it will be added to the blog after due verification.

The Truth Unravelled!!!

Guys CVSR came up with a brochure and so lets hav a look at the facts and figures that they claim in that sucky brochure.





















What the f*** do these ppl atleast know wat confidence means and guess what this pic ur lookin at is shot right next to the rest room. Its partly true cos u definetly feel more confident after u gat the s*** outta u.

This is what u find right in the first page of the brochure and they claim that its CVSR campus. The way i see it its nowhere even close to reality but yeah no denying one thing if u can zoom in a lil u can find a dirty yellow bus in the gap between the 2 buildings which is the only real thing currently in CVSR. Anyways this plan is not gonna materialize even til i hav my grandchildren.



The college people wil go to any extene to prove what the college is upto. Ex: The laptops u see in these pics apparently has dead batteries but then what the hell are these people doin on that non-working piece of crap. Now that's an ideal CVSR student.

The college fellas are so desperate to publicize bout the placements that they'd go to any extent to prove that the college has placements goin on. The third pic from the right-top which bears the name Aravind Kumar in which angle does he look like an engineering passout??? It seems that he didn't give his pic to them and so they put up a photo of some weirdo. Right two pics below Aravind you'll find a pic of Balakrishna who apparently is placed according to the brochure in MICROSOFT which is a big fake its actually VIRTUSOFT.If u enquire about this at the college reception the lady there conviniently escapes saying that its a 'printers devil'. Now, lets take a look at the placement officer. He's a 6'4" giant with a lisp so he himself cant speak properly and xpects us to be good at communication skills. Over all none of these placements are on-campus so all of these are far from the college's concern.

Library with all magazines that are of no use to us and they are the previous months/fortnights editions that you find there.Internet Centre and Digital Library. What's that i've never heard of these in the college neither has anyone of my classmates then how did these make it into the brochure.Seminar Hall without an air-conditioner and when it is full all that u can smell is stink from others armpit's(ewwwww!!!)

The Namesake

Most people must have already been 'blessed' with this guy's presence. If you are one of the (un)lucky ones,wait for your turn. Cos hes the only guy in the college who teaches 'Management Science'.
Very easy to spot: Those eerie shaded glasses of his.. you never can tell if hes looking directly at you,the person behind you, through the wall...
And dont even get me started on his clothes! Mr.Shorty pants, as Oblongata puts it.
Writes every damn thing on the board, straight out of Aryasri, with truckloads of spelling mistakes (I'm saving them for a later blog :D) One in a gazillion,I tell ya! True to his name, hehe...

First draw the pencil, then the pen: Uh,ok.,but when do I draw the actual diagram?
There should not be starting event and ending event should be same: I bet even rocket scientists cant figure out what this means..Kudos man!
This can be happened or this can be happened: Whats gonna happen to us?!Help!
Dummy activities does not consume any timing: But dummies like you waste ours!
All of you understand? - We could also outstand,side stand,bus stand,....
Session has expired; if you want to refresh, go for the refreshment: Anyone wanna do the Dew??
TV will last for 10 years.HE will long last: I knew I shudd've listened to my mom when she told me too much of TV wasn't good for me ;)
Once upon a time, it was done very manually: Now its done very un-manually
You are going to again some losses: Bottom line: I am losing my mind!!
Groceries for household items: So the household items use the groceries,accha...

A couple of more which left me speechless quite literally :D
Everyone wants to get up in the late
Identifying the tasks compromising a job
He will afraid for the work, he may absent also =))
Everyone all of you know that
To propagate bad word of mouth

Orientation (Brain-washing???)

It was that time of the year again, when the management along with the HODs and a few select students attempt (and succed for the most part) in re-assuring the hapless and gullible newbies that they made the right decision and coax them into sticking to it. I had never attended one of these. Fortunately, I missed out on mine. But I had heard about the endless droning of the college mgmt about how the students were in "safe hands" (whatever thats supposed to mean :P). I knew exactly what to expect.
And so it starts... The director (does he deserve that designation?) goes first. I decide that this was a good time to take a stroll down the corridor. 20 minutes later, hes still at it. Talk about stamina!
He includes his usual line about how not to "give bikes to your children and spoil them". I don't get what his problem is !?! Arey... Its their kids and their moolah, they can do whatever they want to, with both of them! Its painful enough to come to the college, at least let them commute in comfort..! I think this has something to do with his own adolescence. Maybe his folks refused to get him one.. and he's taking it out on us? We shall never know...

Up next, Princi. His was the only speech I listened to (not cos I wanted to,.. I just did, ok??). The best way to spot this guy is to look for an old wart with a bad dye job. Thinks sneakers go with every conceivable outfit. Supposed to be equivalent to 'our father' (will post that story some other time)
So, he talks about how "none of the students these days read the text books. They buy the cheap 'JNTU made-easy' books 15 days before the exam and prepare from them." Yeah, so?
Seriously, does any self-respecting engineering student rely entirely(or even partially) on the prescribed books? Honestly, if it weren't for the 'All-in-ones', you would not have been in a position to flaunt your '100% pass percentage' for the previous batch, would you??
And there were the "I will not tolerate"s
- late-comers, long absences ("I will not allow them to enter the college without the parents, or a letter signed by them with a genuine reason" - Gawd! School was so much better....), roaming around during the class hours etc..
At this point, I had had enough. It was time I went home if I wanted to salvage what was left of my sanity. Not that I would've missed out on a lot: It would've been followed by chairman, HODs and the students speeches.
Speaking of which, has anyone of you attended more than one orientation programs? I'm told the chairman interrupts one of the student's speeches, feigning spontaneity, when he must've actually been preparing for it all the while, with the question "What about the ragging problem?". I guess I'll never find out...
At the end of it.. all I have to say is, if the newest dolts were actually convinced with all this crap, then they probably deserve to be in this wretched place.

D'OH!

Thats what this post will be called cos these are some quotes from our very own Homer Simpson. He looks the part too. I am not aware if he enjoys his Duff, but he sure does love his sutta.Is one of the lousiest dressers but has the audacity to comment on the students' fashion sense.
These nuggets have been painstakingly (laughter-induced pain) collected over the last semester by the author:

I'm having a telephone on my home: You seem to have your brains on ur skull !
He is going to testify your skills: Oh yeah..?And who's on the stand? You pleading guilty to stupidity?
Once in a blue while: You see a multi-coloured moon..!
Basically, we are lack of basics: Look who's talking :P
Cant you able to have a think regarding this?: Huh ??
I'm saying serious: So, am I! You're a moron!